You can’t say that to me! "Can’t you do anything right?" "I can’t believe you would feed that junk to your child!" "What is this? And don’t tell me it’s a casserole, I already know that." "If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t behave this way." Sound familiar? Each of us occasionally feels the sting of very unpleasant language from those who are closest to us—spouses, employers, friends, relatives. But frequent and repeated use of unanswerable questions, scalding accusations, sarcasm, insinuations, and even icy silence is more than simply unpleasant; it is abusive, destructive, and frequently leads to escalating arguments and physical violence. Suzette Haden Elgin, creator of the "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," has developed a unique and revolutionary way to break the cycle of verbal violence and eliminate it from your life—without ruining your marriage, risking your job, or alienating friends or loved ones. Dr. Elgin shows you how to neutralize verbal attacks and discourage future abuse with: An 8-step program that helps you recognize the patterns of verbal abuse Specific language techniques that enable you to avoid escalating arguments and break the cycle of abuse using skills you already possess Questionnaires and diaries that help you analyze abusive situations, evaluate your responses to them, and track your progress In this book Dr. Elgin proves that verbal abuse is not caused by human nature, but by language. She helps you discover that you are an expert in your own language, already highly qualified to solve this problem for yourself, quickly and
|Suzette Haden Elgin|
|Born||Patricia Anne Wilkins|
(1936-11-18)November 18, 1936
Jefferson City, Missouri, U.S.
|Died||January 27, 2015(2015-01-27) (aged 78)|
|Alma mater||University of California, San Diego|
|Occupation||Science fiction author, linguist|
|Spouse(s)||Peter Haden (married 1955; he predeceased her)|
George Elgin (married 1964; he survives her)
Suzette Haden Elgin (born Patricia Anne Wilkins; November 18, 1936 – January 27, 2015) was an American science fiction author and linguist. She founded the Science Fiction Poetry Association and is considered an important figure in the field of science fiction constructed languages. Her best-known non-fiction includes the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense series.
Patricia Anne Wilkins was born in 1936 in Jefferson City, Missouri.
She attended the University of California, San Diego (UCSD) in the 1960s, and began writing science fiction in order to pay tuition. She gained a PhD in linguistics, and was the first UCSD student ever to write two dissertations (on English and Navajo).
She created the engineered languageLáadan for her Native Tongue science fiction series. A grammar and dictionary was published in 1985. She supported feminist science fiction, saying "women need to realize that SF is the only genre of literature in which it's possible for a writer to explore the question of what this world would be like if you could get rid of [Y], where [Y] is filled in with any of the multitude of real world facts that constrain and oppress women. Women need to treasure and support science fiction."
In addition, she published works of shorter fiction. Overlying themes in her work include feminism, linguistics and the impact of proper language, and peaceful coexistence with nature. Many of her works also draw from her Ozark background and heritage.
Later years and death
Elgin became a professor at San Diego State University (SDSU). She retired in 1980 and lived in Arkansas with her second husband, George Elgin. She died at age 78 in 2015 from undisclosed causes. She was survived by her husband. Her son Michael pre-deceased her.
Coyote Jones series
- The Communipaths (1970)
- Furthest (1971)
- At the Seventh Level (1972) (cover and interior illustrations by George Barr)
- Star-Anchored, Star-Angered (1979); ISBN 0-385-13564-5
- Yonder Comes the Other End of Time (1986); ISBN 0-88677-110-2
The Ozark Trilogy (1981)
Native Tongue series
- "For the Sake of Grace" – Fantasy & Science Fiction, 1969
- "Old Rocking Chair's Got Me" – Fantasy & Science Fiction, 1974
- "Modulation in All Things" – Reflections of the Future anthology, 1975
- "Lest Levitation Come Upon Us" – Perpetual Light anthology, 1982 (reprinted in The Year's Best Fantasy Stories: 9 anthology, 1983)
- "Magic Granny Says Don't Meddle" – Fantasy & Science Fiction, 1984
- "School Days" – Light Years and Dark anthology, 1984
- "Chico Lafleur Talks Funny" – A Treasury of American Horror Stories, 1985
- "Lo, How an Oak E'er Blooming" – Fantasy & Science Fiction, 1986
- "Hush My Mouth" – Alternative Histories: 11 Stories of the World as It Might Have Been, edited by Charles G. Waugh and Martin H. Greenberg, 1986
- "Tornado" – Fantasy & Science Fiction, 1989
- "What the EPA Don't Know Won't Hurt Them" – Fantasy & Science Fiction, 1990
- "Only A Housewife" – Fantasy & Science Fiction, 1995
- "Soulfedge Rock" – Space Opera anthology, 1996
- "Weather Bulletin" – 1999
- "Honor Is Golden" – Analog, 2003
- "We have always spoken Panglish"- SciFi.com, 2004 (Panglish appears in Native Tongue)
- "What We Can See Now, Looking in the Glass" – Glorifying Terrorism, 2007
Songs (partial list)
- Dead Skunk Song
- Song at the Ready
- When I Was a Young Girl (lyrics only, to the tune of "The Ash Grove")
- Where the Emerald Kudzu Twines
- The World They Call Terra
- Down in Holes (lyrics only, to the tune of "Frère Jacques")
- The Firelizard Song
- The Seas of Space
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
- The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense (1980); ISBN 0-13-351080-8
- More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense (1983); ISBN 0-13-601120-9
- The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense Workbook (1987)
- The Last Word on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense (1987); ISBN 0-13-524067-0
- Language in Emergency Medicine (1987); ISBN 0-7388-1227-7
- The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense (Paperback; 1988; Barnes & Noble); ISBN 0-88029-257-1
- Growing Civilized Kids in a Savage World (1989)
- The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense for Business Success (1989); ISBN 0-13-921032-6
- Success with the Art of Verbal Self-Defense (1989); ISBN 0-13-688581-0
- Staying Well with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense (1990); ISBN 0-13-845116-8
- GenderSpeak (1993); ISBN 0-471-58016-3
- The Gentle Art of Written Self-Defense (1993); ISBN 1-56731-113-X
- The Gentle Art of Written Self-Defense Letter Book (1993); ISBN 0-13-350422-0
- Language in Law Enforcement (1993); ISBN 1-878709-04-6
- Linguistics & Science Fiction Sampler (1994)
- Mastering the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense (1995-05; Unabridged; audio-cassette); ISBN 0-7871-0282-2
- BusinessSpeak (1995); ISBN 0-07-020000-9
- "You Can't Say That To Me!" (1995); ISBN 0-471-00399-9
- The Gentle Art of Communicating with Kids (1996); ISBN 0-471-03996-9
- How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable (1997-03; Wiley); ISBN 0-471-15705-8
- How to Turn the Other Cheek and Still Survive in Today's World (1997); ISBN 0-7852-7249-6
- The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work (2000-01-19; Second Edition; Prentice Hall); ISBN 0-7352-0089-0
- The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense: Revised and Updated (2009); ISBN 978-1-4351-1342-8
- Mohr, Dunja M. Worlds Apart: Dualism and Transgression in Contemporary Female Dystopias. Jefferson, NC, McFarland, 2005. [extensive chapter on Native Tongue series]
- ^Clute, John (2012). "Suzette Haden Elgin". Science Fiction Encyclopedia. Gollancz. Retrieved 2012-04-16.
- ^Chozick, Amy (December 11, 2011). "Athhilezar? Watch Your Fantasy World Language". The New York Times.
- ^Wells, Kim (1999). "An Interview with Suzette Haden Elgin". Women Writers.net. Retrieved 2012-04-16.
- ^Elgin blog, ozarque.livejournal.com; accessed April 26, 2015.
- ^Elgin biography, sfwa.org; accessed April 26, 2015.
- ^notice of death opg Suzette Haden Elgin, SFSite News; accessed April 26, 2015.
- ^Locus Online obituary, locusmag.com; accessed April 26, 2015.
- ^, 7th draft of her poem about Michael's death.